Insomnia

Today I feel tired. I can't seem to sleep for a couple of weeks now. And if I do sleep I wake up every few hours due to nightmares.

I can't think. I can't seem to clear my mind.

Unfortunatly I am also very sick. I have the flu as well. Now I have to stay in bed. I have worked for 2 years not to stay in bed and now I have to stay in bed & rest. But if I rest I start to think (and I think a lot). My mind starts working like a rollercoaster. Falling down, doing flips & I can't seem to stop that rollercoaster. I can't meditate, read & sleep. I just lie here & think.

When I was in high school a teacher once told that people that have a high IQ think so much that some of them go crazy. They just stay in their thoughts and don't come back to the real world. I know the feeling. Wouldn't it be great if my min is just blank for one hour? No worries, no figuring out stuff. Just be in the moment. But to do that I at least have to have a good night rest.

Why can't I sleep? I'm trying to figure that out, but I can't because of the rollercoaster in my head. I'm so tired. I really want to sleep.

All I do is just stare at my laptop. Just stare....

I go to websites & blogs of my "former" friends & family members and see that they live. They live life. I want to live life. I don't want to stay in bed my whole life. I want to achieve something. I want to make a difference in this world. I am jealous of them. They are not sick. They don't have a mental illness. At this moment I am really feeling sorry for myself. Today is a bad day. But I need to have faith. God will guide me through this & will make me live life again. And maybe one day I won't be feeling sorry for myself.

Photo I-D Magazine